Overcoming Fear
My fiancée (Amy) and I had two vacations planned for last year. We had a trip to Florida in May 2009 and a trip to Jamaica in October 2009. We had been talking about marriage for some time. One day we even went to look at rings to see if we liked anything out there and so I could cleverly get her ring size. After seeing some of the prices I told her I couldn’t afford anything till at least October or November. She didn’t seem to mind and it seemed my plan was off to a good start; since she was now thinking I was planning to propose in Jamaica.
The Magic Kingdom at Disney World in Orlando is a special place for us since we both have gone there several times growing up and also a few times now since we’ve been together. I planned to make it even more special – that is if I could get overcome one of my biggest fears. I really don’t like being in front of a crowd. I hate the feeling you get when everyone is looking at you. It is something I have always struggled with especially in class settings. I start sweating and I can feel my heart beating out of my chest and I just can’t produce words when I open my mouth and when I do they don’t always make sense.
In order for this plan to work I would have to propose in front of a few hundred people who would easily be in sight. Since there was no way I could do this more privately it was just something I was determined to do. Amy knows of most of my fears including this one. What better way to show my commitment to her than to overcome one of my biggest fears?
I started thinking about the whole experience of going there over the years while I was trying to figure out exactly how I wanted to “pop” the question. Then it hit me. The one thing that always happens when you walk into the park is the photographers take your picture in front of the castle. I knew this was the perfect idea to make that moment something we could always look back on and also I thought it would be a nice way to include our families in on the special moment.
My stomach was in knots the whole flight down and also the whole first day we were there since we just sat around the pool and relaxed at the house we had rented. The next day we woke up and Amy asked what I wanted to do for the day. “Magic Kingdom” I said with a curious enthusiasm. I thought right there I may have hinted there was something more going on. But without skipping a beat she said ok let’s do it. So off we went to the park.
There we were walking down Main Street and the photographer asked to take our picture. Of course the place is packed as usual and now here we are at the moment of truth. The photographer starts posing us and snapping a few photos. Then he asked us to put our hands out so we could “hold Tinkerbelle” in the picture (they throw her in later on the computer). I told him that I something else in mind. With that I reached in my pocket and grabbed the ring box. I turned to Amy and got down on my knee. I am still not sure what came out of my mouth but Amy shook her head yes with tears streaming down her face. The people around us went nuts. People were cheering and some old ladies were crying; one of them asked if they could kiss the groom.
We both still can’t believe I actually went through with it. It is definitely the hardest thing I have ever forced myself to do. Proposing is nerve racking enough. Then to add a few hundred people watching every second especially when you don’t like standing in front of even just a few people you don’t know. I’m very glad that I did it looking back because it really did mean that much more to her that I was able to ask her in front of all those people.
This experience was definitely a battle won. But the war still rages on for me. I still have not completely overcome that fear but I do hope to continue working on it in my own way.
